SCTV

Segment 1: Promo: Monster chiller Horror Theatre: The House of Cats; Count Floyd shows Some clips from the three-dimensional semi-classic. Floyd is selling the 3D glasses for 27 bucks. Segment 2: Clip: Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Cats; Dr. Tongue transforms women into cats. (The 3D technique is not quite perfected at this point.) Segment 3: SCTV Sports Central: Desert Classic; Coverage of the Bob Hope Desert Classic begins with some background on Bob's golf career. Segment 4: Commercial: Delay; Have your headache when you want it. Segment 5: Betty Bain: Professional Juror; Betty takes jury duty seriously, sacrificing her family life. Segment 6: Promo: Masterpiece Theatre: Naughty Chambermaids; Alistair's introduction is interrupted by a walk on by Bob Hope plugging his special. Segment 7: Bob Hope Desert Classic; Bob and Lou host this star-studded golfing event. Begin has a bad lie, and argues with Arafat. King Fahud shows Lola how to hold her putter. Charlton Heston helps Golda chip through a pipeline. Arafat occupies the 12th hole, while Begin takes the 13th fairway. Lou gets lost off the 18th hole.

Segment 1: Commercial: Gordon Lightfoot Sings Every Song Ever Written; 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidotious,' 'Happy Birthday,' 'Good King Wenceslas,' '76 Trombones' and more, from K-Tel. Record $4.99, tape or cassette $6.99. Segment 2: Cooking with Marcello: Vatican; Live, via the SCTV satellite, Marcello visits the Vatican and waits to tour the kitchens. He pinches the wrong girl and buys a souvenir picture of the pope. The pope gets kidnapped. Segment 3: Kanadian Korner 18: Sports; Hockey was better when there were only 6 teams. Now it's too hard to carry around your cards. And why is Monday Night Football on Thursday? Segment 4: Crazy Crafts: Bob; Molly has a bit of a hangover. She introduces Bob, who she met last night, and tries to figure out what she made the night before. Segment 5: Message from Guy: Alpha Channel; Guy introduces Alpha Channel, and explains why he uses a wheelchair: "for respect." Segment 6: Promo: Alpha Channel; The exclusive Alpha Channel goes behind the scenes to show Neil Simon working on a script, Jane Fonda's latest movie, Woody Allen's movie and Alan Alda talking to his agent. Segment 7: Bill Needle's Mailbag 8; The show length is cut in half again, to seven and a half seconds. Segment 8: Dialing for Dollars: Partridge Family Goes to Mars; The jackpot is 10 dollars. Walter gets a threatening phone call.

Segment 1: Promo: Shakespeare in the Park; Norman has problems with the set, and a punk in the audience. Segment 2: Cheryl Kinsey, Traveling Sexologist; Cheryl, on a surprise house call, helps out some newlyweds with technique. Segment 3: Kanadian Korner 19: Boom Shadows, Stuff that Bugs Us; They show the boom microphone and boom shadows. They give up on their other topic. Segment 4: Promo: The Merv Griffin Show: Arafat, Liberace, Ferigno; Coat linings, terrorism, Merv does a number with Liberace, Loni's breasts, Hulk's makeup. Segment 5: Message from Guy: Viewer Mail; Guy reads some letters, promotes some souvenir coins. Segment 6: PSA: Participation; Come on Canada, it's time to get active [Note: Participation was a Canadian government program to encourage Canadians to exercise more.] Segment 7: Promo: Flashing Eyes; Chuck grills a marathon runner and takes another shot at Gerry Brown; Mandoza comes back as a marathon swimmer. [Notes: Theme music by ELP; this show is a sequel to 4th Degree from episode 2x12.] Segment 8: Mel's Rock Pile: Speed of Light; Mel looks at the top ten, talks to some of the kids (the Bloughs, all unrelated), while Speed of Light backs out of their gig. [Note: Mel has perfected his classic dance stance, the classic theme and set.]